NativeAfrItalPuertoLankin
Say what? Yep – you read that right. NativeAfrITalPuertoLankin. Let me break that down. Native. Afr. Ital. Puerto. Lankin.
When people ask me “what” my daughter is I tell them a human being, female. When they then blush from embarrassment and clarify by asking her nationality I tell them NativeAfrItalPuertoLankin. No further questions.
We are quite the multicultural family in so many ways. First, there is our nationality. I am ½ Puerto Rican and ½ Italian. There is a little splash of something on my Italian side but we’ll call it ½ for simplicity’s sake. My husband is ½ Sri Lankin (aka Ceylonese), 3/8 African, and 1/8 Native American. That makes my daughter ¼ Italian, ¼ Puerto Rican, ¼ Sri Lankin, 6/16 African, and 1/16 Native American. She is an exotic multiracial mutt. But I think it sounds better to call her a NativeAfrItalPuertoLankin.
My mother and father grew up in the United States. My mother- in-law grew up in Sri Lanka. (She came to the United States as an adult). My father-in-law is from the United States but goes to Africa a lot.
My parents were both raised Catholic and so was I. My paternal grandma grew up with some witch doctor stuff mixed in with Catholicism. Sweet. My mother-in-law is Buddist (which I closely relate to) by culture only. My father- in-law is Muslim and my husband was raised Muslim but not longer is practicing. How crazy of a religious/spiritual mix is that? My daughter is not being raised with a specific religious identity. That would start a holy war in our collective family. But that is a whole other post. (For those of you ready to save us, don’t worry. We believe in God but choose to practice our faith in our own home and without identifying with a specific house of worship. I also like to incorporate Buddism, Taoism and the more philosophical religions as well. They have a lot to offer.)
My skin color and facial features are that of a Northern Italian. AKA – I’m white. My husband has some of the darkest skin I have personally seen but that is where the African ends. His build and facial features are that of a Sri Lankin. My daughter is gorgeous. For real. I’m not even going to be modest here. NativeAfrItalPuertoLankin in the perfect mix. She has creamy light cocoa skin and is a wonderful cross between Puerto Rican and Sri Lankin in her facial features. Her brown hair is soft and curly with hints of auburn. She really got the best of all of us.
If my daughter didn’t hang from my neck constantly, no one would believe I was her mother. And that bothers me. A lot of people ask me if I am her mother. That is rude to me. Don’t worry about who I am.
People look at us funny when we are all together. It’s as if they are trying to figure out who belongs to who. I like to tell them that my husband is my brother and we are raising his sister’s cousin’s daughter. Again, no further questions.
It has never bothered me that people give us sideways glances, try to figure out how we fit together, wonder what drove us together as a family, etc. I can ignore the perplexed looks. What does bother me is that people still have a problem with this beautiful, natural blending of cultures. Who cares? Get over it! Newsflash…there are very few people who are 100% of anything living in the United States these days. We have cross pollinated out of the sheer need to continue our species. Well that’s not entirely true. There is the whole “you can’t help who you fall in love with” argument. There is also the “guys can’t keep it in the pants and girls fail to insist upon a condom” argument. Again, another post.
I did not go out searching for a “black man” to marry and have children with. My husband had never dated a “white girl” before he met me. But we clicked, we fell in love, and we are a family. Some people don’t like that. Some family didn’t like that. Some people didn’t like it at first but have come to accept it. Some never will. I can deal with all of that. However, I DO NOT want my daughter to have to deal with that. She should not have to. I want her to live in a world where no one cares about skin color and that it is never mentioned in conversation. I have a dream…
We have struggles as a multicultural family. I admit, I have no clue how my husband feels living in a town where most of our immediate neighbors are (and I say this will all do respect) rednecks. They have all come to love him but boy was there some door locking going on when we first moved in. He is still hesitant to go certain places without me. That makes me sad and disappointed in humanity.
Unlike my husband, I do not have a chip on my shoulder any reservations about going places or hanging out with people who look different than me. Everyone looks different than me. I do not have an identical twin therefore, there is no one identical to me. So see, skin color does not matter and it should never come into play. Skin is just an outer layer to protect the rest of us. As long as it is doing its job it should not matter what color or tone it is.
But the world we live in…not everyone sees it that way. That is sad. Beyond sad.
I want my daughter to grow up celebrating all of the different aspects of the cultures that have come together to create her. I want her to swim in the splendor of being such a diverse and worldly child who has such a rich background to draw from. I want her to understand the traditions, the values, the holidays, the religions, the history, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful of everything that makes her the person she is. My little NativeAfrItalPuertoLankin is an inspiration to me to be a mother who engages her in all of the traditions that her ancestors were a part of. I want her to sink deeply into her cultures. I want her to meet “her people” and celebrate their shared country and everything that makes it what it is. I want her to taste the native foods, smell the native flowers, behold the beauty of the landscapes, connect to the native animals, and see that no matter what, the sky is the same shade of blue and the rain that falls upon the earth is wet no matter where it lands. I want her to see that being a multicultural child is a blessing but completely normal and ho hum at the same time.
I have a dream…
Yours in diversity and the celebration of it,
Jennifer
This post is part of the Multicultural Awareness Blog Carnival from hosted by Bicultural Mom. You can read all of the carnival posts here. There are some amazing posts so check them out!
I love this, Jennifer!!
And I will agree that your daughter is GORGEOUS. For reals
i can relate! however, in brooklyn we were just another multicultural family. in our neighborhood in particular, mixed up families were the norm. it was great! we certainly got ‘looks’ when we visited the very small rural town in pennsylvania that i grew up in and my parents had many ‘discussions’ with the town folks about our relationship…but eventually we became sought out and deemed ‘cool’. it is unfortunate that there is still so much ignorance in the world…
People are just AWFUL sometimes, aren’t they?
I have three daughters followed by a son, and I am so SICK of hearing “You finally got your boy!”, as if my daughters don’t matter. I say “It’s not in my culture to value boys over girls”.
I too feel sad and disappointed in humanity sometimes. I wish for you Freedom and Joy.
I absolutely love this: “I like to tell them that my husband is my brother and we are raising his sister’s cousin’s daughter. Again, no further questions.”
I like you. That’s an awesome response.
I truly believe that children start out being “color blind” and they don’t notice differences until someone points them out. I remember vividly in my very white elementary school being told by a teacher that we’d have a new student starting, and that she was black. I came home and told my mom, and she told me to be sure to introduce myself and be a friend. We remained friends through high school, and I swear if the teacher hadn’t said anything I think we all would have just seen a new student, not a new student with dark skin or with different hair…just a new student.
Such a great post! My son is also biracial and everything you have said is so true. In the long run all I want is for him to grow up in a place where it doesn’t matter what you are and people don’t have to stare and judge
Great post! I can really feel the emotion in your writing. It’s so disheartening and frustrating when you have to constantly prove yourself to others all the time and deal with non-stop judgement and stereotypes. I’m with you…I hope that people will be much more aware and accepting of my daughter’s generations and more so in future generations! Talking about it is the first step! Love your post amiga! Thanks for contributing! I’ll be posting this on Monday!.
I’m half Puerto Rican too! And I really, really, really don’t look it. My grandfather’s mother was a Native Puerto Rican so I have some of that good stuff as well. I love how when I tell people that I’m part Puerto Rican they just look at me like I’m lying
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I can’t even begin to describe how infuriated racial prejudice makes me, so I won’t. Just know that I sympathize with you and know that having you as a mother, your daughter will be just fine.
That is one definite benefit of living in a huge multi-cultural city – we don’t ever get those looks here, but my husband has started to get uncomfortable more than once when we’ve visited small town Minnesota together (he is Canadian/Chinese). It’s ridiculous that it is still such a big deal for so many…love your responses though! (and sorry you’ve had to go through so much crap with people!) :p
I too want my daughter to have an understanding of her entire cultural background without the background noise telling her she’s different.
Thank you for the beautiful post mama
What a beautiful post! You’ve reminded me that I need to write something for this as well.
The way you embrace the diversity of your family’s heritage is inspiring. She has such a rich history of tradition to draw from!
I have yet to be asked if my daughter is mine, but I am frequently told, “She must look her daddy!” This is true, of course, but I don’t need people to point out the differences between us constantly. I’m also frequently asked regarding my husband, “What is he?” His dark complexion and features make him look rather exotic, and everyone wants to know what box to stick him in. The things people say are just too much sometimes!
This post was such a release to write and I love that I am not alone in my thoughts! We still live in a world where skin color matters and it makes me sick to no end. I pray that our children will be more color blind than our generation and that their children will have no concept that there was ever an issue of “color.” Thank you for ALL of your support. We are all in this together as people!
Thank you for your post. I’m popping by and following you from the blog carnival. Have an awesome day! And when you get a chance come on by and check out my blog post, we were definitely thinking along the same lines.
Char
http://1epicmom.com/
Loved your post! Your daughter sounds beautiful inside and out and you my dear sound like a wonderful mommy!
We are all in this together and I too pray for a world where color is not seen! We are in this together!
I’ll be back to read more! You’ve got me hooked!
Fabulous post! My family is also a mixture of heritages and we have had similar issues. The thing your post most reminded me of, though, was when my husband went to register our three children for school. The registration form asked him to check a box to indicate race and ethnicity of our children and he checked at least 4 different boxes. The secretary told him he needed to choose just one and he refused, saying “They are all that and more! If you need to limit it then you need to choose which one…”
I wonder: if the intermixing continues, how will they fit all the necessary boxes on those forms?
Thank you for sharing your stories and your family here
You are beautiful!
I also love “I like to tell them that my husband is my brother and we are raising his sister’s cousin’s daughter.” Ha ha!
This is beautiful, Jennifer. Your daughter is beautiful, and she’s blessed to have you right there telling her so!